Change

It’s been a while since my last update, and I’ve gone from engaged to married; from assisting to teaching; from small family to huge; thrown into a brand new season of life that is exhilarating and scary and feels very big and very grown up.

I think the thing that I want to hang onto right now is how very aware I am of the blessings in this season. I am just unbelievably blessed by my husband who loves me well and this new job that is fulfilling and meaningful and it’s all a step up. It’s easy to complain about busy schedules or stress and I have moments of awe of all of these gifts and I don’t want to ever be blind to that.

As we move into this new season, both literally and figuratively, we are trying to live with intention. We are doing less passive and more active. We’re trying to lean into our relationships and lean away from isolation. It’s hard to do that sometimes, but it’s already proving to be worth it.

Life feels really short sometimes. It moves so fast. It feels like a moment ago and a lifetime ago that I was a kid and now I’m here and these moments are precious and short. Instead of zoning out in front of the tv today we took our hammock out to the forest preserve and ate a picnic lunch and napped and talked and enjoyed the silence. I know there will be other seasons where silence and serenity will be hard to find and I’m thankful to have married someone who knows how to grab onto these opportunities and teach me to slow down in them. I started today with a list in my head of things to accomplish and didn’t really check anything off, but I’m ending today feeling more peace than I’ve felt in a long time. I don’t want to be a person that fills life with busyness and media and forgets God, but it’s just so easy to do that. It’s so easy to zone out and not connect and all of a sudden it’s the middle of October and where has your time gone even?

So right now God is showing me what my blessings are and pointing them out in neon flashing lights and sometimes it makes me feel emotional, like how do I have this? How do I deserve it? How can I make sure it never leaves?

And I guess the cheesy things you read about fall are true sometimes. That fall reminds you that things die and change but there’s beauty in that too; and I know that holding onto a single moment would mean ignoring all the future moments that haven’t happened yet. I need to constantly learn the lesson to stop worrying, stop overthinking, stop planning. Peace is a gift, gratitude is a gift, and it’s far too easy to ignore their quiet lessons.

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